Wednesday, March 7, 2007
My daughter gave this card to me....
I am sharing something with you...and I ask myself, "Why?" The answer: I have absolutely no clue. Maybe I am just sending this out into the world and hoping that the faeries will sprinkle some of their magic dust on me for a simple cure! I have been trying to redeem myself. It all started when My dad became ill and we discovered that he had cancer and I was unable to keep up on the house. Well.... that is not fair of me to say. I have always been somewhat of a pack rat. Is there another form of animal I can use to describe that!? In my own defense, everything had its place, you know, a home. I guess you can say I was an organized pack rat. I have been trying to think when all of this got out-of-hand. I keep coming up with when my dad needed me. Don't take me wrong; I would do it again in a heart beat. However, I would do it differently, starting with spending even more time with my dad. I would have insisted that my children were with me always, and not at home or elsewhere. Whether they liked it or not, it would have been, "Too bad!" I think that if you were to ask them if they had to do it over again.... they would want it that way as well. Anyhow, it was a hard year, and I was numb for almost a year after that. Then hit with some more family crisis. I had to see a doctor for some help. All of this has been over several years, though nevertheless back to back. When you're already on your knees, its hard to have a clear head going into another endeavor. It can really take a toll on your spirit and emotions. Okay, enough of that. Back to my...issue.
I have seen enough Oprah shows to know I have a problem. It is very hard for me to throw things away. My son Rob is sweet in telling me that I, "just hold things close and dear to my heart. Everything has some meaning to me and it is hard for me to part with it." By the way, he is a lot like me in that way. Now, my daughter on the other hand, is a lot like her dad. I get a little harassed from these two. She has something for so long, and then when the time is up.... poof it is gone! Her sweatshirts for instance.... she allows herself to have just so many, and if she has gotten a new one, one must go, and it does! Believe me, it is very hard for me to watch this. She will have bags of her things or clothes ready to be taken to Good Will and as I go to the bag to see what she has put in there, I hear a voice "Step Away From the BAG!" She is so much better than I. How I wish I could just let go. Feel the Freedom.
So, I have gone out to Wal-Mart and bought three file boxes. I am going through all of my papers, recipes, everything, and giving it a home. I have thrown away ten brown grocery bags full of papers. It can be overwhelming and I to have to walk away from it often. I have told myself that I have to stay and do this for at least 30 minutes at a time. I am actually making a dent in this clutter. I can see a dim light. My daughter will walk by and say in a faint, hypnotizing voice, "Go to the light.... " She is my little cheerleader. I have started boxes for a "Yard Sale," that I will have when I am done with this, because not all of my clutter is paper, as my daughter explains. I believe this clutter is keeping me in a state of just being stuck in one place. I am ready to move forward. Grow!
So! Come on faeries, sprinkle the dust!
p.s. Cinda Cro and I have been discussing a possible "Pack Rat Anonymous" group out there. I will be the first to stand up and say "Hi, My name is Angela, and I AM a pack rat."