Friday, May 29, 2009

* Time to Lighten up *

Charlie and I ~ summer of 1997

"Soak Up The Sun"

My friend the communist
Holds meetings in his RV
I can't afford his gas
So I'm stuck here watching TV
I don't have digital
I don't have diddly squat
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up o I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I've got a crummy job
It don't pay near enough
To buy the things it takes
To win me some of your love
Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe i am crazy too


I'm gonna soak up the sun
While it's still free
I'm gonna soak up the sun
Before it goes out on me
Don't have no master suite
I'm still the king of me
You have a fancy ride, but baby
I'm the one who has the key
Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe I am crazy too


I'm gonna soak up the sun
Got my 45 on
So I can rock on.


It is officially summer for me! Today was our last day of school and I am thrilled! I'm going to enjoy my summer to its fullest. I have started a list of things that I love and want to do this summer. We always love a vacation on the beach packed with fresh fruit, sun, sand, waves and hopefully some beautiful sunsets! I enjoy getting up with the sun and taking walks on the beach, drinking my coffee slowly, napping, playing games, reading books, listening to music and loving on friends and family! In addition, we love going to the Sierra mountains as well. We enjoy taking it slow, breathing in fresh air, hiking, eating smores as we tell stories and reminisce around the campfire. Breakfast always taste wonderful too; is it the mountain air that makes everything taste better?

This is really a happy time for me as I look back at just a year ago, everything seemed so uncertain. Being a year since Charlie's last chemo, I find it interesting; thinking of the conversations I've had with people over time and comparing this year to last. It makes me realize how far we have come. Yet looking at the big picture, it has only been 365 days. I have to smile though, because I am so proud of how we didn't let cancer overpower us as a couple or as a family. I understand that we aren't "out of the wood's" yet, but life is uncertain... we don't know what the future holds for us. I don't want to live life with any regrets. I see a clearing "in these woods" where the sun is shining. I'm going to stand in it. Really, you just have to live life, day by day and know that you made the best of it. That is what I am trying to do. Live life fully and enjoy it heart and soul!

*Note ~ Every time I turn on the radio, this Cheryl Crow song "Soak Up the Sun" comes on and I can't get it out of my head.



If you can value
all the simple joys
in each new day,
If you can see the gift
in everything
life brings your way,
If you can find
your strength
and all your answers
deep within,
If you can
trust yourself enough
to let your dreams

If you can learn and grow
from every challenge that you face,
If you can know each moment
is the perfect time and place,
If you can recognize yourself
in others' hopes and fears,
If you can feel compassion
for your own and others' tears,
If you can understand your thoughts
help shape the world you see,
If you can sense that you create
your own reality,
If you can comfort someone else and be a friend who cares,
If you believe real wealth comes from
the riches that one shares...

If you can live life fully
and enjoy it heart and soul,
If you can just accept
those twists and turns you can't control,
If you can show integrity
in every choice you make~
Then your journey will be filled
with joy, whichever paths you take.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

My Dreams Have Wings

"I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas: they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind."

--Emily Bronte

What if you gave your dreams some wings?
Where would they take you?
What would you do?
There are no limitations!

Come on
Give your dreams some wings ~

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Deo Juvante

"Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe."

Gail Devers

A couple of days ago, the principle of the adult school invited me and another young man (also a student) to lunch. During lunch, I had mentioned to her what beautiful details the building had and she couldn't have agreed with me more.

On one side of the building, there are some brass tiles placed up very high towards the tile roof. Each one of them are very different and unique. In noticing the beauty in the details of the building, I have wondered often if there were some meaning behind them.

In our conversation, I asked her if there was any significance to the details of the buildings architectonic artifact's (I don't know if I am saying that right) and she said it was just decorative and there was no meaning behind them. I have to admit, in hearing that, I felt a little disappointed.

It might be a romantic notion, but I am not convinced that who ever took part of the design in this old building, hadn't put any thought into what they were placing onto it.

This one tile actually had something written on it and I found myself saying it out loud every time I walked by it to class. I decided to google it and find out exactly what it meant.

The Latin phrase Deo Juvante translated into modern English means:

"With God's Help."

When I read this, I felt a warm tingle wash over me from the top of my head to the tip of my toes and started to cry... you have no idea how many times I had prayed for God's help throughout all of this. It has been a whirlwind for me ever since we learned of Charlie's cancer last year in January. This month of May, it has been one year since his last chemo treatment. In that year, I diligently attended school. Last summer, Charlie and I decided that I needed to go back to school and get my High School diploma. In the state of California, you have to pass the Cahsee to get your Diploma. If you don't pass it, you will only get a Certificate of Completion and that is not a Diploma. You can only imagine the discouragement I had felt.

Just to let you know, I did pass the Cahsee!

We barely got through the summer after his chemo and I felt like I had jumped into the race without any training or conditioning for that matter. School has changed a lot in twenty five years! It has felt like I have had blinders on to keep me all the more focused on what I needed to do. In trying to even compete in this race, I have also felt like I haven't been able to spend time with people that I love. It has been hard and with God's help, I got through it!

To know that I have been saying With God's Help in Latin, without even knowing what I was saying this entire time, is mind blowing to me. Then waiting for the teacher to unlock the door, I would pray before each class in English for God's help to get me through it.

Wow ~

Saturday, May 16, 2009

A Learning Experience

Since last September, I have been enrolled in adult school. With the school year coming to an end, I can honestly say that I am going to miss it. I was hesitant to go back to school, but felt it was very important. Attending class each day, made me more aware of the obstacles and challenges we (class mates) each face in pursuing our personal goals. By receiving encouragement, I was able to foster self confidence to meet and overcome my personal endeavors. This process taught me more about myself, and allowed me to grow with new aspirations and future dreams. Though it was not an easy process, I am thankful for what I have gained from it. I believe education can be a path way to self-realization.

Before class, I would arrive at least twenty five to thirty minutes early. I liked to find a parking place close to the school so that I wouldn't have to walk far in the dark after class would be let out. I also liked the extra time before hand to unwind and be able to collect myself or go over assignments. I often found myself admiring the beautiful detail of this building and looked forward to being a part of it each week.

Below, you can see where I spent a lot of my time in the past year. I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Not one minute of it!

Laughing out loud ~ I can say that now because it is over, but at the time that it was taking place, I sure did cry over some assignments and sweat through a lot of the tests!