~ The Heart of the Matter ~

Heart rocks found in the High Sierra's river

I have been married for .... hmmm, had to think there. It has been twenty-two years this coming February. On one hand, it seems like a very long time, and then on the other, I think... 'Where have the years gone?' It feels like it has gone way too fast. Early in our marriage, we had it rough. When we got together, he came out of a bad divorce, and had to learn how to trust again. I was alone and had a baby on my hip.... and also had to learn how to trust again. We went into our marriage with a lot of baggage. But, the one thing I learned around our eleventh year was when we fought, or argued about things, it was rarely what we were fighting about. Charlie and I started looking at what the heart of the matter was. For instance, if we had argued about time he or I was spending here or there. What we were really saying was, I miss you and I want to spend that time with you. We started learning what we were trying to say to each other (we were very young and what can I say ... dysfunctional). We have learned how to read between the lines and now, we can just know what we are feeling. Don't get me wrong, we still argue... but, we can totally start laughing at each other, or agree to just disagree. And we respect that. We will try to respect where the other is coming from and understand it, talk about it... and in the long run help each other grow in that area. And sometimes, we just don't agree! We have a right to our own opinion. I try to implement this into all of my relationships.

I always think of that song "The heart of the matter is forgiveness, forgiveness... " by Don Henley. That is a very good song.

The Heart Of The Matter

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore