Wednesday, March 11, 2009
i want to feel again ~
I love The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer and have posted it on my blog several times. When I read it, I always think of someone else; as if it was being read to them. Today I read it to myself. At times, I have come to realize what an effect this last year has had on me. For instance; I am attending an English Language Arts class and we were asked to write a poem about our self. I couldn't believe how hard it was. It was time to take a break and I sat at my desk wanting to cry. I kept coming up empty. I realized that I felt numb and quite safe there. I want to feel again. I know that I am on my way with each layer that is being peeled back; one by one. With each life experience, it has left me feeling pulled and stretched and has given me room to grow.
I am getting reacquainted with myself ~ little by little.
Learning new things.
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
I want to know if you can
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.