Monday, May 5, 2008

This Week...

I am feeling apprehensive. Charlie goes into the hospital for his last five day chemo today. He has seven chemo treatments left and that is including this weeks. He is in pain still and it is hard for me to believe that by that seventh chemo, his cancer will be gone. I feel like there is so much riding on this last stay in the hospital. His weight had gotten to 128 lbs. and he has now gotten it back up at 135 lbs. It has been a struggle to keep the weight on though. He mentioned to me that he had fallen on Friday. He was taking a step up into his trailer and his leg didn't have enough strength to carry his weight up. He also admitted that he can't drive anymore. He doesn't think that he is quick enough to put on the breaks if he has to and he also feels like he is going to go to sleep. Charlie isn't putting up a fight on having to be dependent on others anymore. I know that makes it easier on me now and I have found him fighting me in the past irritating ~ though ~ I hate to admit it, I think I liked him putting up a fight. I noticed that he is sleeping more too. I know that chemo takes a lot out of you. If anyone could sit inside my head and hear my thoughts... I say things and then counter with facts, going back and forth constantly. I could drive myself crazy. sigh


  1. much love and strength honey, xo

  2. you are and have been taking very good care of Charlie in more ways than you know. I am glad to hear that
    he is letting people help now. the chemo is working and well maybe him being sleepy all the time is a sign that finally he is getting the much needed rest he needs.

    the thoughts running in your head sweetie are natural. constant prayers are always said and
    you know we all send love to all of you.

    ((( Charlie & Angela))))

    love ya

  3. Believe me momma, I understand MORE than words can say.

  4. Sweetheart, I so wish that I could be there right now to HUG you, cry with you and pray with you.

    Sleep is restorative. It strengthens the body and clears the mind. It allows healing of our bodies more readily than when we are awake.

    Perhaps Charlie is not fighting you now because he knows that it takes too much energy that he needs to get well. He loves you and wants to be well for you both.

    We are all still in this with you. Many prayer circles are being regenerated, I am sure. The power of love and prayer is awesome!

  5. sending you much love
    and a big hug.

  6. The only time the body truly heals is during rest and sleep. Charlie is sleeping more and I want to believe healing more when he sleeps. Bless you both. I'm sorry I was gone all last week. I'll be back now! Be so good to yourself this week!

  7. I've been feeling like I'm in your thoughts and heart ~~ I will be thinking of you every day, and will call you on your cell.

    Please hug your self real big for me, and then give one to C.

    Love and Hugs
    Wanda Mom

  8. I pray for him every day!
    After the chemo the strength will come back!

  9. I am happy dad has finally chosen to rest more. I know this is against his nature and it must be hard on him. I love you mom. I miss you guys like crazy. Its all that is ever on my mind these days. Just going home...I just want to come home. I will call today. Your in my thoughts.

  10. FOund you through Darlene - I have added you to my google reader list and I'll be checking in. I have also added you and Charlie to my personal prayers.

    Hugs from Comer, Georgia.

  11. Angela...I have been following your blog for quite some time, and I feel compelled to send you my support today. I know first hand what you are going through because my mother is currently undergoing treatment for cancer. I have watched her lose weight and battle fatigue and fear. It is difficult to be strong for our loved ones when we feel sad and scared ourselves, but it sounds like Charlie is very lucky to have you by his side. The affects of the chemo can be so brutal. My Mom has been off it now for almost a month, and I can see her energy returning with each new day. It is such a gift to see her enjoying life more again. So hold on and hold tight.

  12. I am praying for you guys. Your whole family. HUGE LOVE to you all.

  13. I wish I could give you a big hug. My husband went through this and I know how difficult it is for the people closest. Hang in there Angela. Chemo has so many strange effects and feeling as weak as a baby is one of them especially near the end of treatment. Sleep is the best remedy for him and in fact my Martin used to wear a soft wooly cap pulled over his eyes so that he could sleep throughout the day. The doctor would arrive and lift the edge up to peep at his eyes. Soft laughter ensued. He still wears the cap when its cold and refers to it as his healing cap. (Of course sleeping tablets were necessary at night because of all the cat naps throughout the day and as you mentioned chemo does play havoc with normal sleep patterns.)