June 12, 2009

We took our first vacation of the summer in the beginning of June. We were surrounded by good, loving friends and family. Looking back last year at this time, Charlie had just finished his last chemo treatment and our trip to Sunset Beach was a fog memory for him. It was a huge change from last year. It was nice although it was hovered with thoughts of coming up test dates in the week to follow from our trip by the ocean. Back to reality.

It was June 12, 2009 the test results started coming in. One of the tests stated that Charlie had a mass lesion in the Lumbar section of his spine and had also three small fractures. Charlie still had one more test to do and it would be a week before we would meet with our Dr. to go over all of the results together. Bone cancer. The first weekend learning about the mass was a tough one for us. Charlie's spirits were low and thinking of only the worst (The "worst" for him, was the thought of being disabled). I couldn't have any of that and wanted to only concentrate on the positive. He accused me of being mean and said that I wasn't allowing him to feel what he was feeling because I couldn't handle it. He was right. I couldn't. To be honest, at times I feel like I am in the middle of the ocean doing "dog paddle" trying to keep my head above water. When I feel like I am going under...



God is my life preserver and I have faith that it will work out no matter what. I don't know what the outcome will be. I do know that negative thoughts and "what ifs" will only suck the life out of me/us. I realize that the "what ifs" help with making a plan and making good choices. That is all good, but you have to stick with the facts and not detour from it too far. Charlie and I worked through it and I am so thankful that we can talk and be honest with one another.