Thursday, March 25, 2010

Sad and Happy ~

I was delighted to see my first humming bird yesterday. It has been nice to get outside with the warmer weather, soak up the sun and work in our yard. Our son Rob helped this last weekend trimming bushes, pulling weeds, and pruning trees. It started with our visit with my sister in the hospital and asking him if he would be willing to deck out our backyard; I would pay him of course. I would never tell Charlie this, but since Rob went into the military, our yard just isn't the same. Rob seemed offended that I offered to pay him as he gasped and said he would do it and for free. I love my kids! As I type this, I have tears welling up in my eyes. They both help in areas that they can.

This last weekend, everyone was out working on their yards. Although we were all busy, everyone would venture over to each other's yard offering a helping hand. Some of us have lived on this street for 20 years and watched each other's children grow into young adults. It feels like an extended family. One neighbor in particular would come to the hospital when Charlie was getting his chemo treatments and sit with Charlie after he got off from work so that Charlie had someone different to look at other than me; this would also give me a break. I will never forget what he did for both of us; it spoke volumes.

With the season changing, our street seems more alive. We used to have a ping pong table and Charlie would have all of the guys over that lived on our street and they would have tournaments. They would play until the wee hours of the night; they also doubled as the night watch men. The next morning, we ladies would hear about things we would never have known other wise. We no longer have that ping pong table, although the neighborhood boys have now grown into young men and I think it is sweet that they are now having ping pong tournaments of their own. I think our older guys made an impression of which they were unaware.

I have been feeling a little blue lately. At times, I can get fixed on what is not happening in my life and I don't see what is happening. I am working on focusing on the positive and seeing the blessings rather than dwelling on the negative. It seems that in the last four months we have been asked more to join dinner parties, out to dinner with friends, join in celebration of birthday's, and join for the weekend or a holiday. I mentioned this to Charlie and he pointed out that we always have been asked, it is me that is more open to it. I was left speechless. I didn't know what to say, but it left me pondering what he had noticed and what has changed within me. With feeling the way that I have been feeling, was I more open to attending these functions only because I was filling a void of emptiness, loneliness and rejection? I think it started out that way. I then started realizing it feels good to be with people that care about you and want to be with you. With this realization, I started questioning areas of my life. It's hard to accept things you don't want to accept.
Does this mean that I am starting to move on?
Letting go doesn't mean giving up. It also can mean you're choosing to set it free.
How can I feel sad and happy at the same time?


  1. How can I feel sad and happy at the same time? Indeed.

    You might want to consider an idea that a Dr. Amen said on his TV show the other day, "Get rid of the ANTs. Automatic Negative Thoughts." He was expounding on the idea that the brain and the body work together. The show had to do about losing weight, but it applies to other parts of your life too.

    Go out and enjoy yourself. Charlie will appreciate it too.

    Give my salute to Rob. He, too, knows how to serve with integrity, care about those he serves and shares the love in his heart and soul. He must have gotten that from you and Charlie.

    May love and peace be with you always.

  2. For those of us privileged to know Charlie and Rob....understand what special men they are.

    Why? Because they have been loved and nurtured by Angela.

    I'm loving you always
    Wanda Mom

  3. Each of us is a walking Yin/Yang symbol, dark and light contesting always within our hearts.

    I was just blog-surfing and noticed your thoughtful and lovely post.

    My half-Lakota mother told me that there were two dogs always fighting within me, one of light, the other of the night. "Which one will win, Mama?," I remember asking.

    "The one you feed, son. The one you feed."

    I know now that hers was an old Lakota teaching story. But it was new to me. But I was only six and everything was new to me then.

    If you care to, come visit my blog : WRITING IN THE CROSSHAIRS {as in a rifle's scope ... writers must work to focus in sharp clarity}

  4. Your photos are lovely. They make me feel as if I am visiting that part of the country. In THE LONESOME GODS, Louis Lamour wrote that in Old California the Indians would leave small piles of stones {as in your photo} in remembrance of the old gods of the land whose people were no more.

    It is comforting that the Great Mystery {as the Lakota call God} is never lonesome, for He is always with us, in the whisper of the spring breeze, the murmuring of the lapping waves, and the lament of the night birds saying goodbye to the light.

    Your husband sounds a thoughtful, creative man. That is a blessing in these times.

    Thanks for visiting my blog and becoming a follower. If any of the agents I query visit, they will take note of how many comments and followers I have. Agents want the new writers they take on to have as wide a platform as possible.

    Have a healing week, Roland

  5. I love you sweets and your post really hit home with things that are happening in my life right now