Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sad and Happy ~
I was delighted to see my first humming bird yesterday. It has been nice to get outside with the warmer weather, soak up the sun and work in our yard. Our son Rob helped this last weekend trimming bushes, pulling weeds, and pruning trees. It started with our visit with my sister in the hospital and asking him if he would be willing to deck out our backyard; I would pay him of course. I would never tell Charlie this, but since Rob went into the military, our yard just isn't the same. Rob seemed offended that I offered to pay him as he gasped and said he would do it and for free. I love my kids! As I type this, I have tears welling up in my eyes. They both help in areas that they can.
This last weekend, everyone was out working on their yards. Although we were all busy, everyone would venture over to each other's yard offering a helping hand. Some of us have lived on this street for 20 years and watched each other's children grow into young adults. It feels like an extended family. One neighbor in particular would come to the hospital when Charlie was getting his chemo treatments and sit with Charlie after he got off from work so that Charlie had someone different to look at other than me; this would also give me a break. I will never forget what he did for both of us; it spoke volumes.
With the season changing, our street seems more alive. We used to have a ping pong table and Charlie would have all of the guys over that lived on our street and they would have tournaments. They would play until the wee hours of the night; they also doubled as the night watch men. The next morning, we ladies would hear about things we would never have known other wise. We no longer have that ping pong table, although the neighborhood boys have now grown into young men and I think it is sweet that they are now having ping pong tournaments of their own. I think our older guys made an impression of which they were unaware.
I have been feeling a little blue lately. At times, I can get fixed on what is not happening in my life and I don't see what is happening. I am working on focusing on the positive and seeing the blessings rather than dwelling on the negative. It seems that in the last four months we have been asked more to join dinner parties, out to dinner with friends, join in celebration of birthday's, and join for the weekend or a holiday. I mentioned this to Charlie and he pointed out that we always have been asked, it is me that is more open to it. I was left speechless. I didn't know what to say, but it left me pondering what he had noticed and what has changed within me. With feeling the way that I have been feeling, was I more open to attending these functions only because I was filling a void of emptiness, loneliness and rejection? I think it started out that way. I then started realizing it feels good to be with people that care about you and want to be with you. With this realization, I started questioning areas of my life. It's hard to accept things you don't want to accept.
Does this mean that I am starting to move on?
Letting go doesn't mean giving up. It also can mean you're choosing to set it free.
How can I feel sad and happy at the same time?