Friday, October 24, 2008

Pumpkins and Ghosts

I recently went to my hometown to do some shopping and also to where the first 13 years of my childhood was spent. The second part was really quite by accident. My girlfriend had called to tell me the skirt that I loved at the boutique where she works was marked down. I had also gotten a post card of the neighboring stores around that little boutique to tell me they were also having a wonderful sale. Whimsys had Vera Bradley, Lollia and also Crabtree and Evelyn Naturals all 20% off and of course there was also my skirt! My girlfriend had suggested that If I came early enough that I could stop by her house (out in the country) first to see the spare bedroom she just painted and also wanted to get my approval. We rushed around the house, so that she could show me this and that before she had to go to work. Her son has grown cotton and I also wanted to get some photos of that before I headed into to town. She then insisted that I go to this pumpkin patch where this lady is like Martha Stewart. Laurie promised me I wouldn't be disappointed. She jotted down instructions in how to get there. There was also a barn that I wanted to get a picture of, but was very bummed because I couldn't find it. When I arrived at the pumpkin patch, there were a lot of photographers taking pictures. I enjoyed watching them as they were trying to capture the perfect picture. As I stood there watching I had to wonder what they saw in their frame. After they would leave to go to another area, I would go over to where they had stood and just look. That is the beauty of taking pictures. What one sees through the eyes of others. I find that so fascinating. My girlfriend was right, I wasn't disappointed. It was in fact beautiful. After the experience of the pumpkin patch, I went to find the cotton field and got some photos of that too. I then made my way to where this magnificent sale was. Although I had missed the exit because the next exit was pass the town and I had to make a big J loop. I ended up lost out in the country trying to get back to the highway and then things started to seem very familiar to me. I knew exactly where I was. I came into the back way to the town of Merced where I grew up as a child. I turned down my old road and as I drove very slowly by the house where we used to live, I couldn't believe how small it looked. There was the kitchen window, my mom and dads bedroom window, and the two bathroom windows. I stopped the car and just looked. I could see my aunt Kim, my little sister and I skating down the sidewalk. My mom pulling weeds with her bandanna on. My dad with the garage door open with all of his tools working on the old red dodge pick-up in the drive way. Looking down the side of the house, I could see into the backyard. So many memories... I started to cry. It reminded me of the story, The Christmas Carol and going back in time with the ghost of the past. Only they were very good memories of a very happy time in my life. Then it only made me sad to think that when we moved from this house to the town where we moved to, my life had changed with my parents divorcing. Well, then you know which ghost comes next, the ghost of the present and everything in between those two ghosts. I thanked God that the ghost of yet to come hadn't come to visit me.

I have experienced this once before; it happened when I posted on my blog when my birthday came this year. At the time we had just found out not too long ago that my husband had cancer. I looked at the picture's I had posted, and I felt very sad because I knew how things had turned out for that little girl and what she was going through to the present day. It was then that I looked at myself like a third party (me~myself~and I). I felt as if I was this little girls best friend or mother. I was kinder, a lot more gentle and loved her a bit more. In the aquatics class at the end, we are to hug our self; it is a stretch, and I found myself doing longer stretches than anyone else with the help of the class instructor bringing that to my attention as well, in saying to someone (me), "Looks like someone needs some extra hugs!" In fact that is what I was doing... giving myself a hug.

When I made it to the little boutique, my girlfriend Laurie said, "Girl, where have you been? Did you get lost?" I said, "Yes, actually I did." I told her about missing the exit and where it took me. With Laurie being my girlfriend since childhood , she knew it brought a lot back driving down that road. She asked me if I was okay, and I assured her that I was. Writing this, I had to smile. I had also called and told a
very close girlfriend (the one friend that has come into my life the last ten years of it), about my day. She also knew what "driving down that road" had meant for me and also asked if I was alright. I feel very blessed with my girlfriends. They know where I have been, know who I am and they love me for it.


  1. I love you for it too! You wear your heart on your sleeve and what a great heart it is.
    I also like the way you see things and your descriptive writing.

    I have been back on that road a few times too, further down the road to where we lived on your great grandpa's land. Good times.

    Lots of HUGS and LOVE,
    ♥♥ xoxoxoxo ♥♥♥

  2. Neat post. I have seen more pumpkins this year than ever before. You have some of the nicest.

    Today is my birthday -- I am 74 years old.

  3. I have been Wanda's friend for over a year now and I see you too love her a lot. I decided to come and read your blog and you know what, I like it so I'll be back to read some more if you don't mind. I love the season, starting with Halloween, then Thanksgiving, and then culminating with my favorite of all... Christmas.

  4. I'm so glad Abraham and Jose are visiting you...

    Would I have loved to be with you on that adventure.

    Did you get the skirt?? Will you post a picture of you in it??

    We will be up next weekend for Bill Blachel's funeral. (Sat @ 11 AM) Pastor Don is doing it. We will come up on Friday and head for home on Monday morning. Don't know how much time we will have, but we plan to be in Church Sunday.

    Hope to see you....
    Love and Hugs
    Wanda Mom

  5. Your spirit is so beautiful my friend,

    You write with such tenderness and depth of feeling,

    The world must be glad to have you in it,

    Sending you the soft embrace of peace,

    With love to you and yours, M

  6. It's a journey of mixed blessings. I revisited my childhood home in 1992, for the first time in 25 years. I remember the roller coaster of emotions. Strange that you came upon in without planning to. Your comparison to A Christmas Carol is good.
    We have to live in the moment, it's all we really have.
    Love to you

  7. I love you for it as well!
    I remember that house and I sometimes drive down that road and also the
    road where great grandpas was and
    your very fist house!

    I love what you see in your photos!!

    most of all I so LOVE YOU!

    p.s curious like Wanda did you get the skirt?!

  8. great post momma! God wanted you to go down that memory lane. He knew where you were going, though at first you felt lost.

    love you!

  9. What a great path you found when lost! I, too, had the Sydney Lane house on my mind this weekend. Looking at pictures with your Mom, me sitting in one of the "green/yello" chairs - your dad in the hallway behind me. I asked your mom about Tina and Lady, only to find out Lady, the Irish Setter, was really only with us a couple of months. But I sure do remember her! Wishing I had been with you on your adventure! Love you.

  10. Love is the best thing in the world for sadness! OOOOOOOOOO's to you!