One day at a time ~

creeping fig growing on the side of a barn

* Wednesday Charlie had chemo and on Thursday morning he had experienced intense pain in his stomach area. I rushed him to the emergency room where we spent the rest of the day. He was admitted into the hospital that night and has been there ever since. We have had test after test ran and three different Doctors and a Surgeon come in and talk to us. They have all told us the same thing without discussing it with each other (I find this comforting). These tests show that the chemo is working and it seems that the pain he is feeling is a very good thing. Meanwhile, they are trying to manage his pain in the hospital and trying to control it as much as possible so that he can come home. They are trying different pain medications to see what is more effective so that he won't be taking so many. They're concerned about his kidney's, bladder, and liver. The goal right now is to find a stronger pain reliever to work over a longer period of time because then that would be less going through his organs on top of the chemo. Today is Sunday, and it doesn't look like he will be coming home... tomorrow he starts his five day chemo and is scheduled to go back into the hospital for that. They feel it might be better to just keep him there. Nine days in the hospital ~ is a long haul. During a normal five day stay with chemo is hard enough for Charlie; by Wednesday he has had it and by Thursday his spirit is crushed and he feels defeated.
* Saturday morning as I was getting ready to go to the hospital, my little Sophie had what I think is a seizure. She couldn't see and it scared her and I both. I worried about her all day while I was at the hospital. I just wanted to put her in my purse and bring her with me (and I would have if she wasn't a big barker). I will have to make an appointment to see our vet soon.
* My daughter Diandra also had a crying spell that morning as she was getting ready to go to work. I tried to console her.
* Today is my nephews birthday party... that I won't be going to. It is the second birthday that I have missed. It has been a long time since I have seen my family all together. I believe the last time was Christmas. I miss everyone.
* I come home from the hospital feeling exhausted but needing to unwind, I get on the computer to check my e-mail and see what is going on in blog land. When I have time, I check on all of you . I miss you ~ I haven't left you ~ I will be back. I miss having time to comment like I used to, and I will be honest, I am finding that I just don't have the words to comment.
*I feel like my world has just stopped in a yucky place. When I am alone or with someone I feel safe with (as well as here with you my blog friends :) thank you~) to release some of these feelings I just cry and then sometimes, I just don't have any tears left.
* This has also been hard for my son Rob to be so far at a time like this. He has posted a beautiful tribute to his dad here. I have printed his post and will be bringing it to the hospital for his dad to read. I think this will bring a smile to his face.

I keep telling myself one hour at a time ~ one day at a time.
That is all I can do.