Wednesday, April 2, 2008

It Is Moments

it is at moments after i have dreamed
it is at moments after i have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when (being fool to fancy) i have deemed

with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds

the genuine apparition of your smile
(it was through tears always) and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;

moments when my once more illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:

one pierced moment whiter than the rest

-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
i watch the roses of the day grow deep.

ee cummings

I head off to work before the sun rises and kisses the earth with its light. Charlie tries to get up with me so that we can share some time with each other and go over both of our days activities. He has felt good this week and has tried to work (I wouldn't call it "working," it is more like just going and being there supervising... but, it makes him feel good to be a part of what is going on). I let him know that all he has to do is call me and I will come and pick him up if he starts to feel bad. He assured me that he would be fine. He also had a Doctors appointment and then chemo to do afterward. I shared with him that I thought it was too much. He said he would be okay.
While I was at work, Charlie had called. I answered the phone and he asked me what I was doing. I told him we were getting ready to serve brunch. As he was talking I noticed there was a spring in his voice and for a moment he sounded like my strong healthy husband... we held a two minute conversation. He was charming and we flirted back and forth ~ we were both happy. It felt like we were back in time when everything was okay. I wasn't filled with worry. I guess it was easy to fall into forgetting about the world of cancer we have been living; even for a moment because I didn't have a visual of him to go along with his voice. His voice took me to a place where everything didn't seem all consuming with cancer. They do not call it a moment for nothing. It is what it is. Although in that moment, it brought a smile to my face, a beat that raced in my heart and contentment that I have been longing for. Charlie then asked me if I wanted to go with him to the Doctors. We were forced back into the present. I told him of course I did, and that I had planned on picking him up where he was working so that we could go together. I could hear the relief in his voice.

For now, that moment is etched on my heart and I am grateful for where my mind took me with the sound of his voice.


  1. Having never gone through something like this, I still could feel the incredible value of that moment in your words. It was a true blessing and I am sure that Charlie was feeling that moment right along with you.

    We are praying that soon you will have many more of those moments one after the other.

    Love and hugs ♥♥xoxox♥♥

  2. yummy moment...
    I can see you smiling
    and him :)

    you will get to draw some strength from him in these moments...strength that no one else can give you.

    I love you both,
    xoxo Darlene
    call me ;)

  3. I know the feeling well. I was able to be with Maryann during all of her chemo and rituxin treatments.

    The opportunities we have to serve our mates come in a variety of packages. Some don't seem appropriate. Just remember it is all for the greater good of you both.

    Now it is time to draw more positive energy into your lives.

    ee cummings is just one small way to do that. It has a big impact on you both, and the rest of us with whom you share.

    May love, peace and serenity be with you both always.

  4. Beautiful posting. I hope you have lots of moments like that.

  5. I am so happy that you and Charlie
    had that moment. I know you will continue to have more of these special moments. I am also glad that
    Charlie is doing better this week.

    (((((Angela & Charlie)))))

    love you both always

  6. How precious ~~ I have tears.
    I love you both very much.
    Wanda Mom

  7. I treasure moments such as these also. I think sometimes they are much more precious than any jewels. Love you lots,

  8. I'm glad Charlie wants you to go with him. It is sometimes hard to do, I guess they feel the need to protect us. Once they realise it does the opposite, (that if we don't go we worry)it makes things easier to cope with.
    It sounds like things are going well for you, I pray it continues..
    big hugs

  9. Some moments although too brief, have a way of lingering and filling your heart when you need it most.

  10. How bitter sweet is our time. . .sending you both love and prayers.

  11. I love reading about the love you two have. Thank you for sharing your moments with me.