It Is Moments

it is at moments after i have dreamed
it is at moments after i have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when (being fool to fancy) i have deemed

with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds

the genuine apparition of your smile
(it was through tears always) and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;

moments when my once more illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:

one pierced moment whiter than the rest

-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
i watch the roses of the day grow deep.

ee cummings

I head off to work before the sun rises and kisses the earth with its light. Charlie tries to get up with me so that we can share some time with each other and go over both of our days activities. He has felt good this week and has tried to work (I wouldn't call it "working," it is more like just going and being there supervising... but, it makes him feel good to be a part of what is going on). I let him know that all he has to do is call me and I will come and pick him up if he starts to feel bad. He assured me that he would be fine. He also had a Doctors appointment and then chemo to do afterward. I shared with him that I thought it was too much. He said he would be okay.
While I was at work, Charlie had called. I answered the phone and he asked me what I was doing. I told him we were getting ready to serve brunch. As he was talking I noticed there was a spring in his voice and for a moment he sounded like my strong healthy husband... we held a two minute conversation. He was charming and we flirted back and forth ~ we were both happy. It felt like we were back in time when everything was okay. I wasn't filled with worry. I guess it was easy to fall into forgetting about the world of cancer we have been living; even for a moment because I didn't have a visual of him to go along with his voice. His voice took me to a place where everything didn't seem all consuming with cancer. They do not call it a moment for nothing. It is what it is. Although in that moment, it brought a smile to my face, a beat that raced in my heart and contentment that I have been longing for. Charlie then asked me if I wanted to go with him to the Doctors. We were forced back into the present. I told him of course I did, and that I had planned on picking him up where he was working so that we could go together. I could hear the relief in his voice.
For now, that moment is etched on my heart and I am grateful for where my mind took me with the sound of his voice.