After Charlie's doctor visit on June 12th, we had three weeks until we were to go camping in the High Sierra's. Charlie had been looking forward to this trip since last year. On the fourth of July he would turn 50 and all he wanted was to be surrounded by our family. Everyone arranged their schedule so that this would happen. Our son Rob, his wife Nessa and our daughter Diandra would be the only three that could not make it due to living in a different state and work.
When we got back from our first vacation in June, we had four weeks until the next one, in July. We were up for the task of being ready at the time of discussing our vacations. Although we had no idea what was to follow after the first week being back from our first one. The emotional roller coaster had begun the second ride. Charlie had a construction job to finish and I had a less than a week of summer school left. There was a c-scan, another bone scan and doctor visits on the calender waiting for the hour to arrive. At times we honestly thought that going on the second vacation would be too much for us. We then had to consider that our loved ones had arranged this time to be with us. Charlie and I quickly changed our attitudes, putting the thought of "backing out" out of our minds.
The fourth of July was spent with Charlie's brother and his family. We had B-B-Q steak and lobster. It was nice seeing his parents (Charlie's mom has Alzheimer's, although she still lights up when she sees us). We spent the rest of the night quietly at home and got some rest for the coming day of getting ready to go to the High Sierra's. Although our emotions and energy were spent on the last four weeks, nothing could prepare us for the week with a total of twenty family members; eleven being 1 niece, 3 nephews and 7 grand-children. It was not a week of R&R. Needless to say, we all crashed at the end of the day. Our patience never grew thin; well. . . now thinking about it, maybe a few times.;)
As we walked across the street coming from the doctor's office on the twelfth of June (bone cancer being confirmed), Charlie had a strong demeanor as he started doing the fighter's dance swinging his arms in the air, as if he was hitting the cancer square in the face.
In a deep growl he said, "I will fight this and win!"
Boxing has always been my husbands favorite sport.
I asked him, "Which fight of Ali's (his favorite boxer) would you compare this to?"
He didn't hesitate and said, "Definitely the Ali/Frazier fight." Charlie went on to tell me why and the history concerning the two boxers.
He asked me, "Do you know who won the third fight?"
I said smiling, "You."
#1 fight #2 fight
#3 fight*NOTE ~ I feel bad about putting Frazier and cancer in the same boat. Sorry Frazier!
Charlie had a doctor's appointment in the middle of the day last week and I met him there at the medical clinic. He had asked me how my day was going as we were waiting for the nurse to call his name. I told him that it was going okay. He wanted to know what I had done and I proceeded to tell him that I had bought a body scrub and was trying to get rid of the dryness on my legs. I went on to tell him how lucky he was that he didn't have to take so much time trying to keep himself up.
In my early twenties, my girlfriend Evie cut my hair at the salon that she worked at. I mentioned to her how the lady next to her station always looked so polished; her skin, nails, hair and make-up. Evie just smiled at me and nodded her head yes. As soon as the lady had walked in the back for her break, Evie told me that this lady would take Saturday off and spend it on herself. She would start the day with a body scrub and massage, facial, tweeze, give herself a manicure and pedicure. Every Saturday. She didn't have any children and her husband traveled. I can remember feeling sad for this lady. She looked polished from head to toe, but something told me that she would rather have no time to do this because she had to run errands, watch her children's play or game and start dinner. She is a sweet lady and I run into her from time to time. Nothing has changed.
I think about her every time I try to find time for myself in that way.
I told Charlie this story and it made him think about what women have to go through to take care of themselves. I added that was just part of it. There was another part of maintaining that was also spiritual, mental, and physical. There just isn't enough time! Honestly, I dread scrubbing myself and when I do, I only think about the things I really want to do. I guess it is like exercising; you dread it, don't want to do it, but feel better once you have.
We took our first vacation of the summer in the beginning of June. We were surrounded by good, loving friends and family. Looking back last year at this time, Charlie had just finished his last chemo treatment and our trip to Sunset Beach was a fog memory for him. It was a huge change from last year. It was nice although it was hovered with thoughts of coming up test dates in the week to follow from our trip by the ocean. Back to reality.
It was June 12, 2009 the test results started coming in. One of the tests stated that Charlie had a mass lesion in the Lumbar section of his spine and had also three small fractures. Charlie still had one more test to do and it would be a week before we would meet with our Dr. to go over all of the results together. Bone cancer. The first weekend learning about the mass was a tough one for us. Charlie's spirits were low and thinking of only the worst (The "worst" for him, was the thought of being disabled). I couldn't have any of that and wanted to only concentrate on the positive. He accused me of being mean and said that I wasn't allowing him to feel what he was feeling because I couldn't handle it. He was right. I couldn't. To be honest, at times I feel like I am in the middle of the ocean doing "dog paddle" trying to keep my head above water. When I feel like I am going under...
God is my life preserver and I have faith that it will work out no matter what. I don't know what the outcome will be. I do know that negative thoughts and "what ifs" will only suck the life out of me/us. I realize that the "what ifs" help with making a plan and making good choices. That is all good, but you have to stick with the facts and not detour from it too far. Charlie and I worked through it and I am so thankful that we can talk and be honest with one another.
& um ... the child that still live in us.
;)
We had our arms wrapped around each other, snuggling as we walked over the sand dune.I heard my niece gasp and say, "Auntie Tia, I seen a mermaid!" I held her hand and replied, "Darn it! I missed her."
My walks around my little town has given me friendships that I would otherwise not have if I didn't walk. I had the pleasure to have met an older couple that lived in the house in these photographs. As I was walking by, it started with a comment she made while she was doing some gardening in her well-kept yard, "My goodness, you are dedicated and faithful to your daily walks!" On another occasion, I had my dogs accompany me on my walk and of course they started barking at her. I immediately used what I had learned on the dog whisperer and put it into affect by saying, "SHhhhh. SHhhh." Without the dogs obeying my command, the lady started laughing as she recognized it right away and said to me, "So ~ your not the leader of the pack either." She also had two dogs that barked and were unruly. That is how our friendship grew.
When we learned that my husband had cancer, my walks almost were non existing. I just wanted to be with him. I noticed as I drove by on my way to work that the house was closed and showed no signs of life. A year had gone by and I seen two women that I had never seen before loading up their cars. The ladies were there off and on for a month. As I was driving home from work one day, I saw the ladies and decided to park my car and introduce myself and ask them if everything was all right.
I had learned that their two dogs had died several months apart and the man had passed away. I couldn't believe it! The lady was their daughter and she was packing up the house. I asked her what happened to her mom and she went on to tell me that her mom had to go into a home and passed away also. I couldn't believe it! I couldn't contain my tears. The daughter's expression on her face watching me looked as if she didn't understand how I couldn't have known. I had to explain to her how I met her parents and why I stopped walking. I apologized to her for my reaction because learning about this, I was in complete shock. They were all in good health. How could this have happened? I then started thinking about how my life had changed in one year of time. It was a sobering thought.
During this last Spring, as I would drive by her house on the way to work, you couldn't help but notice all of the flowers. The whole lawn was covered with golden poppies. They were popping up everywhere! It would leave a smile on my face knowing how she loved her flowers and cared for her yard. She would have been pleased. As the season went by everything dried up. There house now sits lifeless. There are boxes stacked up by the front door waiting to be filled.
