FORECLOSURE

Sometimes my husband will get an idea in his head and doesn't know how to let go of it. He has become obsessed with the housing market and all of the foreclosures. I find myself cringing and a feeling of dread coming over me when I see him on the computer. I immediately think to myself, 'Here it comes.' Charlie will have a page of listed houses that have been foreclosed on the market and want me to go with him to look at them. I have no interest in moving and do not want to see these homes. With what we have just been through and are still going through, I have to wonder if all the chemo he has had, didn't affect his brain (I am just being honest here). With that being said, we will start to have a serious discussion about this and me not having a more open mind about it. I have tried not to be closed minded about it and "look" at these houses, but find that I am just pacifying him and it really leads him to think that I am somewhat interested. In addition, it just makes him more eager to look for the next one, not to mention it totally wastes my time. . . and his. grrr.



When he has some time off between jobs, he likes to pass the time looking online for these listed foreclosures. Last week the tub didn't come in for the job he is on presently and he let me know he would have a week or so off. I had no reaction and just looked at him with glazed over eyes. Right away he asked me what I was thinking? I thought to myself, 'Tread lightly Angela...' I finally answered him in a monotone voice, "This is going to be a "hell week" isn't it?" He narrowed his eyebrows not understanding me and said, "What?" I said, "This means that you are going to be on the computer looking at foreclosures." He started to laugh but didn't say anything. The next morning as I was leaving for work, I kissed him goodbye, and told him he was grounded from the computer.



The last house we looked at was on an acre. I hated everything about it. I tried my hardest to have an "open mind." As I was looking at the back yard, I found myself thinking things like, 'I could see a vegetable garden in that corner of the yard' or 'We would definitely have to do this or that with this house,' and then I felt like my mind was closing every door and window. I had enough. I told Charlie that I was getting cold and going to sit in the truck. As I was walked towards the gate going to the front yard, I noticed that there was a side gate going to the next door neighbors back yard. I thought to myself that the previous owners of this house must have been very close to the neighbors to add a gate there. I got in the truck and just looked at the house and right away noticed three pretty glazed pots with dead flowers still in them and wondered why they didn't take the pots. I also noticed the pretty tree in the middle of the yard with Christmas lights wrapped around the trunk going into the branches. I found myself thinking more about the people that had owned this house more than the house itself. These are hard times and I thought about how sad the people must have been to have to move out of their home. I started putting myself in their shoes and how I might have felt. I just wanted to get back to my home. Something just doesn't feel right to me about making a gain on someone else's misfortune.

In this next paragraph (Rereading before I pushed the "PUBLISH POST"), you are going to see how my mind goes back and forth. giggle

My husband looks at it in a professional way like playing the game of Monopoly and I tend to look at it more in a sentimental point of view. Charlie grew up moving around a lot and has a tendency to "nest"; he is always adding a piece of straw or strand of thread here or there making the nest stronger. I look around our home and see him everywhere in the things that he has done to improve it. I find comfort in this. I know Charlie would/could make any house feel like our home with the talent and special touch that he has. I think sometimes that if the right house came along, I would just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was the right time (everything in the universe would have to line up ~ giggle). . . then I would move. I then think, 'We raised our kids here and have memories galore.' I could tell you a thousand reasons why I don't want to move and I probably am holding us back from moving forward (as Charlie likes to tell me). Right now, I just think that it isn't the right time to be making a move like this with everything that we have been through in the last year, not to mention... I am tired and I don't want to start over. I want to enjoy life right now.

BIG sigh ~ I hate when we play tug of war in the way of not seeing eye to eye.

The Journey

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.


~ Mary Oliver ~

I got some good news this past weekend that concerned me...
I am still in shock and trying to absorb it all.

It has been a journey. Although, I can finally hear a new voice that I am slowly recognizing as my own.
:)

Poppies ~ Beautiful Poppies

While we ate our lunch on Saturday, Charlie suggested that we go for our drive after we got done eating instead of Sunday like we had initially planned. At first, I was a little hesitant because I didn't think we would have enough time to enjoy ourselves and would have been too rushed. He talked me into it and I was so glad that he did! When we woke up Sunday morning, the temperature was cooler and it was also windy.



Charlie grabbed the ice chest and threw in a couple of bottled water's for each of us and off we went! It was a gorgeous day!



The canyon looked as if someone poured an orange crush soda over it and the liquid flowed down the hills. I couldn't believe how beautiful it was! The view was like that for at least five miles. At one point I heard myself saying out loud in the voice of the wicked witch in The Wizard Of Oz, "Poppies, beautiful poppies."



It truly took your breath away!

Mmm... Saturday Morning ~

During the week, I start my day with an early 4:30 wake up call and I am off running before the sun rises. I really enjoy my Saturday mornings and try to stay in my pajamie's as long as I can. It is something I rarely get to do.

With the weather getting warmer, you can hear the humming birds making their familiar sound in the yard. I can see them every where! I plan to go to a Native Plant sale where you can purchase flowering shrubs and perennials that attract butterflies, hummingbirds and insects that are beneficial to your garden. In addition, they are also low-maintenance and drought-tolerant. I am looking forward to this!

I hope your Saturday is off to a great start!
Enjoy ~

The Gardening Table

This gardening table was handed down to a great grand-daughter who is a friend of my daughters. They were going to tear it apart and she said, "Absolutely NOT!"


I thought that this one was so unique! Notice the old antique french door (or could it be a window?) placed on its side to serve as the back panel on top of the table? Beautiful!


This garden table is in a favorite store that I like to go to and the table is huge! I love how they incorporated it indoors.


This one is the one that I built myself (with a little help from Charlie).

I had been looking for a gardening table for a couple of years. The only spot that I could put it was on the side of our house. The problem with that was, it had to be narrow enough so that we could still walk with ease. Well, I found one last year at the same time we found out that Charlie had cancer. He then started getting his chemo treatments and was in no shape to put it together for me. It sat in the garage for four months. One day, I tried putting it together myself and right away, ran into complications with not understanding the instructions. I put everything back the way that I had found it. I needed Charlie to help me.

That was a hard time for me. I hadn't realized how much I depended on my husband for so many things. I remember one time while he was in the hospital, our water heater had stopped heating the water. For the entire week, Diandra and I were taking cold showers. It was horrible! In addition, my car needed the oil to be changed, Diandra's car battery died (twice!), our taxes needed to be filed, and now reflecting, it seems my list could conintue, neverending. It felt like every time I turned around, I needed Charlie because I didn't know how to do something. I didn't like feeling that way. Under the circumstances, it was plain ol' scary.

I got tired of the box with the picutre of my gardening table staring at me everytime I went out to the garage. It just reminded me of what I could not do, which further made me feel incapable. I pulled my car out and I cut the box wide open this time, so that I couldn't put everything back in it. I continued to lay out all of the parts to my gardening table. I read the instructions very carefully to myself, so that they could be comprehended. After about four hours, Charlie came out to the garage and pulled out a chair to sit and watch me. He instructed me how to put the rest of table together where I was having problems.

Every time I use my gardening table or even walk by it, I can't help but think of what it felt like after I put it together. I feel a bit of pride for teaching myself how to complete a task which I felt overpowered me.

:)

A Productive Day ~

We didn't get to go for our drive yesterday as planned, although we do plan on going next Sunday as the weather will be much nicer. The storm came through in the night and even though we woke up to the sun shinning and the most beautiful fluffy clouds scattering the sky, it was just too cold and windy! If you went outside, it felt like it was just cutting right through you. With Charlie weighing in at only 150 lbs. and having absolutely no insulation on him anymore, he really feels it! We had our wood burning stove going all day.



I did manage to go through some papers and was able to throw away two garbage bags! I also got some laundry done; which doesn't really count because that never really gets done. It can pile up on you though, so it's good to stay on top of it. I also did some chores that needed to be done around the house. I got caught up with my mom (she just came back from a weeks vacation in Hawaii!). I threw away old catalogues. It feels so good to purge the house of things that have accumulated over the past weeks/months.

I think that I could have gotten a touch of spring fever yesterday.

It's A Game Plan ~

I went for a drive today in the late morning, just to get out of the house. It was wonderful! When I left, the weather was gorgeous! At the time, it was a little hard for me to believe that we had a storm coming in later today. Unfortunately, hour by hour, I could feel the temperature drop as the clouds moved in. I was disappointed because Charlie suggested that we take a drive tomorrow and have lunch. He is insisting that we go anyway and sets the bait by saying, "You never know what kind of pictures you might get."
I am grinning.



The school faculty and the students have a saying about the month of March, "It is the longest month!" If you looked at our school calender, you would see that we do not have one day off during the whole month. I am lucky enough to get some time off, with the upcoming spring break that all the kids get. I am really looking forward to it! I have quite a bit planned for eight of the ten days and might have to scale back a little. I have noticed that the older I get, I need some "down time" to recuperate.

Oh well, what ever happens was meant to be.