Saturday, April 4, 2009
Sometimes my husband will get an idea in his head and doesn't know how to let go of it. He has become obsessed with the housing market and all of the foreclosures. I find myself cringing and a feeling of dread coming over me when I see him on the computer. I immediately think to myself, 'Here it comes.' Charlie will have a page of listed houses that have been foreclosed on the market and want me to go with him to look at them. I have no interest in moving and do not want to see these homes. With what we have just been through and are still going through, I have to wonder if all the chemo he has had, didn't affect his brain (I am just being honest here). With that being said, we will start to have a serious discussion about this and me not having a more open mind about it. I have tried not to be closed minded about it and "look" at these houses, but find that I am just pacifying him and it really leads him to think that I am somewhat interested. In addition, it just makes him more eager to look for the next one, not to mention it totally wastes my time. . . and his. grrr.
When he has some time off between jobs, he likes to pass the time looking online for these listed foreclosures. Last week the tub didn't come in for the job he is on presently and he let me know he would have a week or so off. I had no reaction and just looked at him with glazed over eyes. Right away he asked me what I was thinking? I thought to myself, 'Tread lightly Angela...' I finally answered him in a monotone voice, "This is going to be a "hell week" isn't it?" He narrowed his eyebrows not understanding me and said, "What?" I said, "This means that you are going to be on the computer looking at foreclosures." He started to laugh but didn't say anything. The next morning as I was leaving for work, I kissed him goodbye, and told him he was grounded from the computer.
The last house we looked at was on an acre. I hated everything about it. I tried my hardest to have an "open mind." As I was looking at the back yard, I found myself thinking things like, 'I could see a vegetable garden in that corner of the yard' or 'We would definitely have to do this or that with this house,' and then I felt like my mind was closing every door and window. I had enough. I told Charlie that I was getting cold and going to sit in the truck. As I was walked towards the gate going to the front yard, I noticed that there was a side gate going to the next door neighbors back yard. I thought to myself that the previous owners of this house must have been very close to the neighbors to add a gate there. I got in the truck and just looked at the house and right away noticed three pretty glazed pots with dead flowers still in them and wondered why they didn't take the pots. I also noticed the pretty tree in the middle of the yard with Christmas lights wrapped around the trunk going into the branches. I found myself thinking more about the people that had owned this house more than the house itself. These are hard times and I thought about how sad the people must have been to have to move out of their home. I started putting myself in their shoes and how I might have felt. I just wanted to get back to my home. Something just doesn't feel right to me about making a gain on someone else's misfortune.
In this next paragraph (Rereading before I pushed the "PUBLISH POST"), you are going to see how my mind goes back and forth. giggle
My husband looks at it in a professional way like playing the game of Monopoly and I tend to look at it more in a sentimental point of view. Charlie grew up moving around a lot and has a tendency to "nest"; he is always adding a piece of straw or strand of thread here or there making the nest stronger. I look around our home and see him everywhere in the things that he has done to improve it. I find comfort in this. I know Charlie would/could make any house feel like our home with the talent and special touch that he has. I think sometimes that if the right house came along, I would just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was the right time (everything in the universe would have to line up ~ giggle). . . then I would move. I then think, 'We raised our kids here and have memories galore.' I could tell you a thousand reasons why I don't want to move and I probably am holding us back from moving forward (as Charlie likes to tell me). Right now, I just think that it isn't the right time to be making a move like this with everything that we have been through in the last year, not to mention... I am tired and I don't want to start over. I want to enjoy life right now.
BIG sigh ~ I hate when we play tug of war in the way of not seeing eye to eye.