Monday, November 30, 2009

Let yourself wish ~ dream of...

Ever, Ever After

Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
In our secretest heart it's our favourite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it too

Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away

Starting your fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's realest by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you

Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you it's not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart
Believe in ever after

No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through

To ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe it's just one wish away
Your ever ever after
Ever ever ever after

(I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss)

Oh, for ever ever after


My Sister Jessica watched a cute Walt Disney movie titled Enchanted with her boys. She called wanting me and my daughter Diandra to watch it explaining that in the movie she started to cry unexpectedly and it surprised her. I watched the movie and did the very same thing. The movie is about divorce and how complicated life can be. Leave it to Walt Disney to reach the child that lives within and touch us. It was a beautiful children's movie. Two years old, but a keeper.

Friday, November 27, 2009


Our Thanksgiving was anything but a Norman Rockwell picture. We spent our day alone with a couple of visits from two of my aunts that were down from Washington (which I am most grateful for). Our Thanksgiving of everyone getting together had been planned for months but, unfortunately a week before Thanksgiving, a family feud erupted and we felt it was best that we did not attend. If it was not for my two aunt's coming over that day, it would have only been a day of watching The Macy's Parade, Trains Planes and Automobiles, A Miracle on 34th street, Coming Home for the Holiday's, and The Family Stone. As I watched these movies, it made me realize that family bickering happens to even the best of families. I then started thinking about how many people are spending this holiday alone with no one at all. My thoughts started to trail down to deep thinking and an understanding of how hard the holidays are for many people; people that don't have anyone, people that have recently lost a loved one or feelings without hope and feelings of despair. When my friend learned of the situation with my family, she immediately invited us to join her and her family. I also learned a lesson from her, that when you see or feel someone is going through something, to reach out. Her invitation was heartfelt and I will never forget it.

Although our Thanksgiving was spent alone, I was thankful for so much; for God, Charlie, my family and friends.

Monday, November 23, 2009


How is it, I share a home with a General Contractor and a College Graduate, yet I am the only one who knows how to assemble this contraption? I find myself snickering every time I put the roll on.

I am sure they could conjure up more than a few things about moi.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Tests and More Tests!

Charlie's UCSF visit went well. At first, I wasn't happy with it. Our oncologist here, shared with us before we went, that our oncologist at UCSF had two surgeons to pick from and wanted us to see the more conservative surgeon opposed to the more aggressive surgeon. I thought to myself, 'Uhggg, he is going to drag his feet and we will be going back and forth.' The visit started out just the way I thought it would; the surgeon didn't want to do the surgery until he ran a few tests to see what was going on. He explained to us that it was a serious spine surgery and there would be reconstruction involved. The test he wanted to do is a Pet scan. This particular test would tell us more about the tissue and what was going on inside of Charlie. I thought, 'Well, why didn't they (the doctors) just do this one in the first place!' Well, we found out later it is because it is a nuclear test and this test is done only when necessary. It was at this moment I felt we were in good hands with this surgeon and therefore our oncologists; both here and in UCSF. The surgeon explained to us that when they get the scan results, all of the spine doctors and oncologists will sit around a table and discuss Charlie and what the best way to handle his case is. Charlie had this test done on Monday, and we are just waiting for the results. The surgeon explained to us, that it is not uncommon for a person to fracture a bone due to a prior accident from early on in life or a year ago. This weakens the bone and it does happen. It also happens from bone cancer. The surgeon wasn't comfortable that two biopsies Charlie has had, came back negative, although the tests suggest that he does indeed have bone cancer from the hot spots on his images. His last scan also shows that it is progressing up his spine. It's a lot... I know. After reading how the Pet scan works, I really feel good about this test. I think it will give us the answer we are needing so that we can deal with it or put it behind us and finally be able to go on with our lives one way or another.

*Note ~ There is a link where Pet Scan is highlighted

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

What Dreams Are Made Of~

Do you ever have a dream that lingers for a day or so and makes you think, 'Hmmm, what was that all about?' As time unwinds, I usually can figure it out. I have read some dream books and I like my interpretation much better. The dream books that I have read always are way off the mark of what you think the dream was about or the total opposite and make no sense at all! However, there may be some good dream books out there and I could be reading the wrong ones.

My dream started with me coming home (not our current home, but in the dream I knew that it was) and finding Charlie busy remodeling one of the rooms. When I walked in further, I found Tom Welling taking measurements of a window. I was taken aback to find Tom in our home, let alone helping Charlie. Tom introduced himself and we started talking about how he has enjoyed working with my husband; learning he would rather build things than act. This next part really surprised me because I would never do this in real life; I grabbed my camera and asked if I could take a picture of us. He said winking at me, "Sure! Only if the boss doesn't mind." Charlie said, "It was fine." I wasn't happy with the photo because I was in my scrubs and wanted to take a shower, do my hair and wear something more appropriate for the photo. I asked Tom, "How long will you be working with Charlie?" He said, "The rest of the week." I explained to him that I wanted to shower and look more presentable for our picture. Tom said, "Oh sure, no problem." That is when I woke up. I just thought to myself, 'That was a weird dream. What was that all about?'

Two days went by and I couldn't get that dream out of my head. As I sat around the table with my two daughter-in-laws, I shared my dream with them. Oh course they started razzing me but as I was telling them about it, I started to understand it more clearly. I have always felt that Charlie is my Superman; It just so happens that a healthy Tom Welling plays Superman. I have also wanted to take pictures of Charlie and I. Before we found out Charlie had cancer, I kept telling myself for a couple of years that it was time that we got some updated pictures of ourselves as a couple and regretted not getting those pictures once he had cancer and lost so much weight with chemo. Now that Charlie has gained some weight back, I have wanted my daughter to take some photos of Charlie and I but time never allowed it to happen. My dream was telling me, "Now is the time to get some pics with your Superman."

* Charlie and I will be going to UCSF at the end of this week to discuss with the surgeon what he wants us to do.